i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
