I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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