Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
