he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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