dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
