Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize