My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
