Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize