nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Its about making memories worth repressing
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
