i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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