There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
