You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
