sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
