I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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