I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Found the puke drawer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
