I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
