but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
