Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
