Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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