I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize