it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
