I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
