Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
