she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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