Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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