Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
