I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
