No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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