fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
