We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
