do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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