Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
