Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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