you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
