he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
