It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
