Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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