is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're too hungover to prance.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
