On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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