He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
