I hate your face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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