If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
