Me too!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
