I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
