it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize