dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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