something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
