So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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