Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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