yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
