Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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