he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
