no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
