the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
