Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
