Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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