Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
