Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
