Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i've created a new STD.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
