It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
