I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
