the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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