My friends, they love my intelligence
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
