I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had sex on a roof
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
