Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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