I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
