Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
