So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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