Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
