if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
