cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone owes me an orgasm
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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