Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
