i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
