Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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