she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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