I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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