By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
