My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
