you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
