he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
