The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
