guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
