Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
