Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize