I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
