Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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