i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
