Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
