He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize