You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
