The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
