He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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