i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
