i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
