when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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