My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
