We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
