i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
