Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
